Anger as an emotion gets a bad press. Really anger is our friend. Anger protects us. It is how anger is sometimes expressed that makes it a problem. Anger is associated with violence and aggression, and whilst they can both cause harm, on occasions they are necessary. Sometimes anger needs to be acted on immediately, without reflection. Unconsciousness is not wrong, our instincts are there to protect us. Anger can save our lives.

Anger alerts us as to when someone or something has unwelcomely entered our personal space or contravenes our beliefs of who we are. It tells us when we have been impinged upon and therefore when to set boundaries. By saying “No”, upholding our boundaries, we form ourselves. We say what we are and what we are not. We shrink into who we are, we become more defined. The “No” acknowledges our difference to others, it affirms our individual uniqueness. The “No” is character or soul forming. The “No” honours our limitations, and accepts out humanness.

Anger removes the veil of Innocence, prevents us becoming a Victim and empowers us to act in the World.

If we knowingly refuse to acknowledge our anger, that is suppress it, we risk pushing it underground where it becomes distorted, leaking out as resentment. Resentment is a kind of dirty anger, similar to passive aggression, that muddies the real cause or root of the issue, leading to misunderstandings and harming relationships.

If we unconsciously deny anger we risk depression. The cause of our unhappiness, or our oppression, goes completely unrecognised. Anger turned inwards becomes depression. A depressed person, rather than express themself in the world, turns inwards, away from the world. They become sad, withdrawn and isolated, tired by the effort of repressing the anger. Anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin. Deny anger and you will become sad.

If an immediate angry response is not needed, we can begin to invite anger in, sit it down, have a cup of tea with it and get to know it. Anger comes in many flavours; rage, fury, frustration, resentment, irritation, acrimony, impatience, jealousy, grumpiness and so on, and is best savoured so we can get it’s flavour... and perhaps, respond more consciously or skilfully.

Ultimately, anger is our friend that protects us, helps shape our personality and character, guides how we express ourselves in the world, and honours our soul.